-
“Family needs to stick together – gambling not only affects the victim, but loved ones around them too”
- David, Graduate from West Midlands Gambling Harms Clinic
Who else is affected by problem gambling?
Being close to someone who is harmed by gambling can be very distressing and overwhelming. You may experience lots of different feelings, including hurt, anger, mistrust, sadness and worry about the future. You may also be affected financially and worried about how to manage this.
There is support available for you as a family member, loved one or friend of someone who is gambling. Adfam offer a free and confidential space where you can get support and advice to help you. If the person you know is receiving support from our service too, we are not able to discuss this with you.
-
“The ADFAM therapist was a lifesaver for me going through this experience, the only opportunity I had for a safe space and helped me support my family member without ending up in crisis myself.”
Signs of a problem
It can be difficult to know if someone has a problem with gambling. The person may feel they have to cope with the impact of their gambling on their own. They may not be open about it because of shame, fear and loss of trust if they reveal the full extent of their debts. They may also feel guilt and remorse about the wider impact on others. They may make efforts to try and recoup the money lost by placing further bets.
Signs that something is wrong can include:
- Money disappearing
- Unpaid bills or disconnection notices (even though the person is in work)
- Selling off possessions
- Borrowing money from family or friends
- Taking out multiple loans
- Poor credit ratings
- Being evasive about payslips, bills or invoices
- In some cases, committing theft or fraud
You may notice other changes about the person you are close to that seem out of character, such as:
- Spending more time gambling
- Seemingly never off their mobile phone or the internet
- Being vague about unexplained absences, or often late for commitments
- Becoming withdrawn from others/family events
- Difficulties at work or studies
- Days off sick or missing days
- Seeming worried, agitated, or upset for no apparent reason
- Saying that they feel hopeless, depressed, frustrated or suicidal
- Changes in sleeping, eating, or sexual relationship patterns
- Controlling behaviour to get what they want
-
“If I had known my partner was experiencing gambling harms and I had understood the dangers, I could have helped sooner. I didn’t know what they were going through.”
What you can do...
Start a conversation
Trying to understand what a person is going through can help effective communication. If someone feels understood, they are more likely to talk openly and honestly.
You could start by saying… “I care about you and I’ve noticed… is this something we can talk about together?”
Take them seriously and accept what they say.
Validate how they are feeling by saying things like “that must feel very difficult or hard for you”.
Try to resist the temptation to argue or blame them or yourself for the situation they are in (sometimes easier said than done).
Agree on a plan
Discuss and agree on a plan of what each of you will do to help the person stop or limit their gambling. For more ideas, you can look at our self-help page.
You may experience conflicting emotions and want some space for yourself. This is normal.
It can be helpful to ‘check-in’ regularly with each other, such as once a week, with openness about past hurts, and future hopes and fears.
You may consider outside help together, such as relationship counselling or therapy.
Help for gambling
If you agree that now is the time to seek outside help for the person’s gambling. Visit our About Us page to find out what we can offer at the West Midlands Gambling Harms Clinic.
You can refer yourself to the clinic via a secure online referral form.
If, for any reason, you decide that this is not the route you want to take, you can discuss other options for help and support through the NHS website.
Take steps to protect you and your family
Finances
There are measures you can take to financially protect yourself and those around you, including:
- Take control of finances for the immediate future.
- Limit access to cash for the person who gambles.
- Help the person identify outstanding bills and loans, and how to pay them off.
You can also get help with managing money through our list of support sites.
Providing or loaning money may reinforce or reward gambling behaviour and contribute to the gambling behaviour continuing. Keep in mind that when the person gambling has paid all their debts, this can be a time when they are vulnerable to relapse. For example, some people may convince themselves, at this point, that a small bet is acceptable.
Impacts on children
For information on how gambling addiction affects children please visit the link below.
Looking after yourself too
Taking care of yourself is important. You can’t help anyone if you are feeling tired and run down.
Continue with your interests, socialising, work and do things you find enjoyable.
Get support and talk to someone you trust and who will not judge you or the person that gambles. Talking to other people can be really helpful in coping with stress. It can also provide useful advice and a different perspective on the situation you are facing.
If you are affected by someone else’s gambling you can access our free and confidential support and advice service from Adfam here.